Treatment day 35

The op

Back home. All seemed to go well. They got the 2 eggs and Jon's sperm looked good. Now it's all spending the night together in a little dish!

We will be called by the embryologist on Saturday morning to find out if we have any embryos and, if so, when I need to go in for implantation.

The staff were very good at BCRM. Even the needle in my hand didn't bother me at all, unlike last time I had one. Actually, it was quite nice to come round after having a proper sleep! I am a bit tender in my right abdomen and weary but feeling ok.

My own personal sharps bin. Now full!

Now that everything is out of our hands, I feel better. I can't be at fault for missing an injection or mistiming a sniff or whatever. It's much easier to be stoical about things one cannot control. Will I be able to maintain an emotional equilibrium if neither of the eggs become embryos? I don't know, but I think my chances of doing so are higher than if I had failed to do one element of the medication properly.

There's also a sense of it being 'in God's hands' in a new way. Which is odd. Because of course it always was. There's no reason it should be any more in God's hands in the lab at Southmead Hospital than there was of it being in his hands when I was administering injections. But I find it harder to believe God's in charge when I'm playing an active part. Must say something about my inner demons, that!