infertility

infertility

Sunday 20 March 2011

To speak or not to speak.

Some friends who're a few weeks pregnant are visiting. I feel bad we haven't told them our situation: they told us theirs even though they're not at 11 weeks yet.

I was chatting with Tash earlier and did feel there was a moment when I could share. But, somehow, it was too clunky. I am perfectly happy for them to know - they are good mates - but having just heard their good news, and how they've avoided telling certain friends they know are struggling to conceive for fear of upsetting them, it seemed to big a deal to announce our "issue".

People advise me to tell others when I want to, and not feel any obligation or guilt about it. But there is a sense of responsiblity, because I think the world would be a better place if everyone was more open about fertility struggles.

We do have another set of friends who have been trying to get pregnant for just a few months less than us, who we talk with. And now several family members know. I expect our indiscretion at New Year has led to word spreading a bit in Chepstow.

Hey ho. Sorry Tash. There just is no 'right' way to do these things.

Wednesday 16 March 2011

First appointment at IVF Wales. +3.75 months.

Most frustrating day to date.....

The mass of information sent by IVF Wales confused, rather than enlightened, us. It contained directions to two different bits of Cardiff University Hospital but we failed to notice this and blithely headed for the wrong one. We left plenty of time, got there about 40 minutes early. Someone asked when our appointment was and, after we said 10am, left us in the waiting room.

A few people came and went. Eventually, a doctor called for someone else and noticed us. He checked our names and informed us we weren't expected. We proffered our appointment letter and discovered we were in the wrong place. By now we had ten minutes before our appointment time.

Frantically, getting lost once or twice, we got to where we were meant to be. Pretty wound up by now.

After we identified ourselves and waited for a while, I was called through to the consultant. A student was in the room with us. Dr X, how shall I put it.... Well, she had very little bedside manner. She told us our referral letter had been lost. Quite a blow when the GP was so careful about everything. She told us we needed to have the tests done again that we had already gone through and was derogatory about the reliability of the existing results (which, thankfully, we had with us.)

She refused to answer our concerns about waiting lists. She batted away our questions requesting clarity on what would happen next (she didn't explain anything very clearly) and seemed in a big rush to get us out of there. She rolled her eyes when asked to explain what ICSI was. The things promised in our information pack (offer of counselling, for example) were not mentioned.

The thing is, when someone is so unreasonable, you don't want to be demanding in case it affects your status on the waiting lists. We left feeling much more unsettled than we had done before. It was only by a stroke of luck that we managed to do the correct thing at reception (book another sperm analysis appointment for Jon) because Dr X had left us confused about whether she would do that, or we needed to.

Am taking the rest of the day off work.

Monday 7 March 2011

Fourth chase = progress. + 3.5 months.

Here in my hand is notification of our initial appointment. It will be on March 16th, so that is exactly 16 weeks from referral - just meeting their deadline!

I had called them again a couple of days ago to chase and I think that may have got things moving. (Seems the monthly calls were an okay strategy.) The letter comes with an absolute shedload of info - most of which is not relevant or not helpful. But it is here, anyway.

My bosses now know about the situation. I had a bit of a tearful moment with both of them when I opened up, and was taken by surprise by the emotion again! They were very good about it, and said I should feel free to prioritise these matters over work duties.

I feel very blessed in that regard. Many people must struggle to fit in appointments and juggle pressures from work alongside the stress of the fertility procedures. I know I will be met with understanding, however the timings work out.

Just hope nothing disrupts Christian Aid Week!!