It has been a frustrating week.
Somehow, I got muddled about my cycle and thought my period was due last week. I'd had some nausea (psychosomatic???) and became more or less convinced I was pregnant. In fact, I'm due this week and just started bleeding.
I can't help marking time with missed milestones. Sadly, these are usually work commitments I was hoping to avoid due to pregnancy / motherhood. As I head out with my suitcase, I remember saying to myself a few months before: "Well, I won't have to go away on that conference if I manage to get pregnant by xxx....." The plans I form become obsolete, one by one.
One conculsion is that I'm in the wrong job, if that is how I mark the passage of time.
In any case, as each month passes, the nervous energy that builds up towards my period increases. Every time my body proves to me that I'm not pregnant, it is more difficult to retain my equilibrium. And, though I know it's a lie, I also feel a bit more like a failure.
