infertility

infertility

Thursday 25 November 2010

The Moment of Truth. 0.

So, apparently we are infertile. The GPs actual words were: "I never say it's impossible because the strangest things can happen, but it's extremely unlikely you'll conceive naturally...." Sounds pretty conclusive, eh?

Oddly, the news came as a surprise to me. I think I had grown so used to the endless uncertainty that I'd convinced myself such was our lot in life and was bound to continue. I expected our results would be normal and that we would be told to go away and keep trying. All down to my cup half empty character, I think.

Jon told me on the way home that this wasn't the case for him: he had expected the news we got. Strange, how we didn't know one anothers' expectations until afterwards.

It is a shock. I have been crying. But it's also a relief. On balance, I think I'd rather have this news than uncertainty. It's no fun having no idea why you're not getting pregnant for more than a year. There's a building sense of failure and sex becomes stressful. Each month you anticipate good news, as well as the opposite, and then deal with the let down. You feel repeatedly mocked by your lack of control over, and understanding of, your own body. A year of this is very waring.

Now, I feel that I can't blame myself for, or do anything about, the lack of progress. It's simply the way of things. And we're on the path to addressing the situation, albeit with no guarantee of success. Also, I now feel justified in finding it all difficult. It was okay that I was struggling, I'm in a difficult situation. It's not just an over reaction or lack of sex drive, or whatever else......

It looks as if the problem is with Jon's sperm, which have poor mobility and a strange shape. My results were all normal, as were Jon's blood tests. This is fairly good, as these things go. The GP can refer us to IVF Wales for a treatment called ICSI which is more sophisticated than regular IVF and is better for cases like ours, where the woman's system seems to be working well and the problem is with the sperm. ICSI involves the injection of a particular sperm into a particular egg, rather than the blending of sperms and egg in a dish.

The GP said she will send off the referral letter today and we should wait 4 weeks before calling IVF Wales to see what's going on.