Treatment Day 14. + 22 months.

Spray only #7

I was 34 yesterday. It's 3 years since we stopped using contraception (which is a much more accurate way of putting it than 'started trying to have a baby'.)

It doesn't sound like a long time. But it feels like it!

At the clinic they kept referring to how they were going to approach treatment in this, that and the other way 'because I am so young'. But then they refer to you as an old patient if you're above 35.

I guess, as with life, the happy middle doesn't last for long!

Still fairly weary and my skin is in poor condition. But otherwise, no mental mood swings or hot flushes yet. Some lovely Chepstow friends from round the corner dropped in a big block of Dairy Milk yesterday. Which helps!

Treatment Day 12

Spray only #5

My period started on cue, 3 days after stopping with the pills. Which is all good, things going to plan.

A major downside is that the clinic asked me not to take my prescription painkillers for period pain. So I've had a pretty bad couple of days. I had forgotten how bad the discomfort could get and spent quite a bit of last night on the bathroom floor in a foetal position. But I should be through it now.

Incidentally, they also said to avoid Ibuprofen which apparently is really bad for pregnancy. It prevents embryo implantation and can increase risk of miscarriage. Gosh. Who knew?

No side effects of the spray yet but I have to keep going with it alone until October 3rd. Jon is really nervous that I'm about to go mental...... ; )

Treatment Day 7

Pills and Nasal Spray#5 Last day of this part of the regime. Side effects most likely to kick in from tomorrow. I realise I forgot to recount some of the details of us getting started. Remember all that stress caused by the phone call to say our appointment for the 7th hadn't been rearranged for the 12th? Well, it turns out that was kind of unfounded. But with hindsight, I'm glad we went through it.

Actually, we were still booked in for the 12th but nobody told the doctor who had us in her diary for the 7th. Hence her phone call. But the outcome was that we ended up getting in there 24 hours earlier. which meant we could see the nurse in the appointment slot for the 12th. And thus get started on the 14th.

Almost certainly we would never have been able to kick things off this month if we had in fact kept to the original appointment. We'd have saved ourselves a weekend of anxiety but gained another month of waiting. 

It's all very strange. I can't accept that these things are 'God-incidences'. But it's interesting and profound that at our lowest ebb, when we cried out to a few people for prayer and felt incredibly low about it all, it turned out that something very helpful was actually happening.

Treatment Day 6

Pills and Nasal Spray#4 I'm still finding it difficult to sleep. It's not too bad - I just get up and have a camomile tea and read for a while. But I hope it doesn't continue for the duration of treatment. I did manage to fall quite deeply asleep two nights ago but then was woken at about 1.30am by Jon nudging me and insisting one of us needed to take some medicine.

Gradually I came to and asked him what he was talking about. At which point he sat up, head in hands, and said "It's ok I think I was dreaming." And then fell back to sleep. Which I couldn't do, so I ended up going downstairs. Looking back, it was pretty funny!

I guess it must be weird for him, with me on a schedule of 2 pills and 6 nasal sprays at specific times of day. And looking ahead to injecting myself daily in a week or so. And all he can do is look on.

Treatment Day 4

Pills and Nasal Spray#2 So far so good. No discernible side effects. (Though these aren't expected until I stop taking the pills on Friday) It's slightly disconcerting that all the notes with the pills are about its use for breast cancer treatment, and those with the spray about its use for prostate cancer!

I do have a funny tight feeling in the back of my throat. And am very tired. But that's probably the lack of sleep! In general, I'm quite enjoying the novelty of all this medication.

Treatment Day 3

You will not ovulate!!

Pills and Nasal Spray For the next 5 days I have to take the pills twice a day and buserelin nasal spray every 4 hours. The spray stimulates the pituitary gland and decreases the secretion of follicle stimulating hormone. It leaves a nasty taste in the back of the mouth. They prescribe this so they can control exactly when my follicles are stimulated, rather than letting my body do this naturally.

Treatment day 2.

The easy part

Pills

For 7 days (September 14 - 20) I have to take tablets of Norethisterone.

This is a hormone replicant, used to control exactly when my period will start. Which should happen shortly after I stop taking it.

It isn't likely to have any significant side effects, though sleeplessness is a possibility. I haven't been sleeping very well ... but I expect that is just anxiety and not the medication!

Treatment Day 1 - long, sorry!

Well, what a difference a week makes.

After a rather low weekend, we returned home a day earlier than planned so we could get on the phone quickly to BCRM and sort out the mess.

Jon rang them while I sat feeling quite sick with stress upstairs. They said they had no appointments until September 28th. Simply too late to be workable. But good old Jon kept them on the phone and eventually was offered an appointment with an alternative doctor (as if we care!) the following day (Tuesday). Phew #1.

So far, so good, but we have learned never to expect much, so went in highly strung and anxious. We were seen, had blood test results and sperm analysis reviewed, internal scan for me, and told we were eligible for treatment. Phew #2. (Actually, Jon's sperm quality had increased quite a bit. Which is interesting. And means we go for IVF not ICSI. But thankfully that news doesn't affect anything, we are already approved for NHS funding of treatment by IVF Wales - it was just a question of ensuring BCRM could treat us, according to their rules.)

Bad news, we were told there was absolutely no way we'd be through by October 11th, when Jon was due to leave the country. Freezing sperm costs £500 and they seemed to want to discourage us from doing this. So, we planned for Jon to return to the UK some time in November (probably) to do his 'bit'.

The next step was to arrange an appointment with the nurse to go over minutiae of treatment. We organised this with reception for a week later. But on driving home, my mobile rang and the clinic said that was actually impossible. Next available date the 25th. Again, heart sunk. But again, kept them on the phone a bit and was offered an appointment for the next day (September 12th). Phew #3.

Back in the next day, and a lovely nurse called Carrie explained everything we will need to go through. She then checked where I was at with my cycle and suggested we start in two days (today). Treatment needs to begin on day 19 of the menstrual cycle. We could hardly believe it. After nearly 2 years on a waiting list in Cardiff, we were up and running in less than a week of our first appointment in Bristol. Phew #4.

Jon will have to delay his start in Canada, meaning some lost salary. But that doesn't matter. His professor is understanding about all this. Phew #5. And overall, a fortnight delay is a much better solution than Jon leaving me here to start things on my own and then flying back 1 month into a new job.

A medical courier dropped off my pack this morning, full of pills, syringes, nasal spray etc. I started today with the pill. More details on all that later.

But, we're off! Finally. Hurray! IVF at this clinic has a 42% success rate. Fingers crossed.

News

Thought you all might be interested in this article, which refers to our situation and why we have been transferred to Bristol from Wales for treatment.

I suspect there may be some political bias in it but the fact that the waiting lists have become 'huge' is certainly right!

Just glad we live so close to the border and aren't hit with massive journey complications.

Down in the dumps. +21.5 months.

I am sitting here in the early hours worrying because our appointment for September 12th has fallen through.

Originally, BCRM had our initial consultation scheduled for the 29th August. And then that was postponed to September 7th. Which was a really difficult day for me, work-wise, so we phoned and arranged to move it to the 12th.

Evidently something went wrong: I missed a call from the consultant during the day yesterday, due to that busy work stuff (they never phoned our landline, which Jon would have answered.) I picked it up after hours and, in short, she still had an hour scheduled in for us on the 7th and has no space to see us on the 12th.

We can't speak to them now until Monday (10th).

The cumulative effect of all these cancellations and postponements is getting me down.

We try hard to keep on going with life, enjoying what it has to offer, regardless of what's happening with fertility stuff, trusting things will work out. We have put a lot of effort into letter writing, phone calls etc to ensure we've done everything possible to make this work. And every time we approach the finishing line or some positive news, the carpet gets pulled from under us.

Life has been partially in limbo for so long: it's almost 3 years since we started trying to conceive and not far off 2 since going on the waiting list for treatment. If someone said to me "Right, sorry, that's it, this isn't going to happen" I could move on and readjust. But there is no resolution like that. And there's nothing I can do to get off the treadmill.

And I'm about to be separated from Jon for possibly a year, as a result of all this stuff, and he's the main thing I depend on to stay sane. Aaaaaaargh!