We have just spent a lovely weekend with some good friends in Rugby, who have two boys aged 9 months and nearly 3.
Another benefit of this whole shennanigans has been the opportunity it affords to enjoy other people's children. If I had my own, I would (rightly) be very taken up with them and their needs, and view other little ones in relation to mine. But as things are, I unreservedly appreciate the many babies and toddlers born to my friends and family members. Should we fail to conceive in the long run, I suspect the unique relationship we can enter into with others' children will be a real gift. No pride, competition, or vested interest. Just a detached (in the sense of objectivity, not lack of care) affection and concern.
Much better to get stuck into others' family life than to have friends assume you're bored in the company of children, or fail to include you in their family activities because you don't have your own. Bear this in mind, those blessed with children!
I am also really enjoying, in a way I never did before, being childless. Yes, let's go to that festival. Yes, let's spend that money. Yes, let's make sure I'm doing a job I actually want to be doing. Yes, let's stop putting off that thing I want to do. Yes, let's prune from life all that hinders its flourishing. Because, you know, this might be it. So let's enjoy it!
And, strangely, I am appreciating what it would mean to have a child much more than I did before I knew we couldn't grow one. It was just the next thing to be done, before. Now it is a thing that might happen, and if it did, it would be wonderful. I imagine, in an almost sensory way, enjoying a baby. Especially the way their heads smell! Before, I simply stressed about having one at an appropriate time and hoped I'd cope.
It's funny, really. I wouldn't say I've reached the stage where whatever happens, I'm content. But I would go as far as to say that, whether we manage to get pregnant or not, I can see many reasons why the situation would be advantageous. Or blessed, depending on your viewpoint.
